NVC Practice Studio
Say it without blame
How this tool worksPractise turning a judgemental thought into a Nonviolent Communication statement: what you saw, how you feel, what you need and what you would like to ask for.Hide
Practise turning a judgemental thought into a Nonviolent Communication statement: what you saw, how you feel, what you need and what you would like to ask for.
Use it when
Use it when you keep replaying a complaint in your head ("they never help", "they don't respect me") and want to say it in a way the other person can hear. It suits beginners learning the four parts and anyone warming up before a real conversation.
How to use it
- Learn the four parts. Read the cards for observation, feeling, need and request. Each shows words to use and words to steer clear of, plus a list of feelings and needs to borrow from.
- Pick a scenario. Choose one of five everyday situations, from dishes in the sink to a parent who criticises your choices, or bring your own. Each comes with the judgemental thoughts you might be having.
- Write your statement. Fill in one box for each part, using the hint under each heading. You need all four before you can review.
- Check it and compare. Work through the self-check questions for each part, then read your full statement next to a worked example. There is no single right answer.
What you'll come away with
You come away with a four-part statement for the scenario you chose, which you can copy, plus a feel for the difference between an observation and a judgement, a feeling and a thought, a need and a strategy.
The four parts
Read each part, then pick a scenario to try it. The "Use" phrases get you started; the "Avoid" ones are the habits that slip judgement back in.
1. Observation
What you observe without evaluation, interpretation or judgement
Use:
Avoid:
2. Feeling
What you feel (not what you think)
Use:
Avoid:
3. Need
The universal human need behind your feeling
Use:
Avoid:
4. Request
A specific, doable action you'd like them to take
Use:
Avoid:
Feelings words
Borrow one when "I feel..." stalls.
When needs are met:
When needs are not met:
Needs words
The need sits under the feeling. It never names the other person.
Connection:
Physical Well-being:
Honesty:
Play:
Show the full list of needs
Connection:
acceptance, affection, appreciation, belonging, cooperation, communication, closeness, community, companionship, compassion, consideration, consistency, empathy, inclusion, intimacy, love, mutuality, nurturing, respect, safety, security, stability, support, to know and be known, to see and be seen, to understand and be understood, trust, warmth
Physical Well-being:
air, food, movement, rest, sexual expression, safety, shelter, touch, water
Honesty:
authenticity, integrity, presence
Play:
joy, humour
Peace:
beauty, communion, ease, equality, harmony, inspiration, order
Autonomy:
choice, freedom, independence, space, spontaneity
Meaning:
awareness, celebration of life, challenge, clarity, competence, consciousness, contribution, creativity, discovery, efficacy, effectiveness, growth, hope, learning, mourning, participation, purpose, self-expression, stimulation, to matter, understanding