Difficult Conversation Planner
Plan the conversation you've been putting off
How this tool worksPlan a conversation you have been putting off, step by step, with the BRIDGE method from the Difficult Conversations module. With a partner it also asks how bad it has got and plans the repair; at work, whether it could become formal.Hide
Plan a conversation you have been putting off, step by step, with the BRIDGE method from the Difficult Conversations module. With a partner it also asks how bad it has got and plans the repair; at work, whether it could become formal.
Use it when
Use it a day or so before a conversation you are dreading: raising a problem with a partner, housemate, friend or colleague, a recurring fight, giving someone feedback they will not enjoy, pushing back on your manager, setting a boundary, or clearing the air after a hurt. It suits anyone who rehearses the talk in the shower but never quite starts it. If you are afraid of the person, or someone could be at risk, the safety note on the first step and the Sensitive Topic Navigator come first.
How to use it
- Describe the situation. Say what the conversation is about and who it is with. This is the only question you have to answer. Choose a partner and the tool asks how bad it has got, from a small irritation to the same fight again and again; choose a colleague, manager, someone you manage or a business partner and it asks what kind of work conversation it is, with a panel for when it could become a formal matter.
- Get ready. Tap what might set you off and up to three ways to steady yourself; the tool answers back on each tap. Then write down the story you are telling yourself about it, their possible side, and your own part in it.
- Work through BRIDGE. Tap how you want to come at it (gently, directly, by sharing what you know, or working it out together), then write your opening sentence or start from a line the tool offers. Then what happened and how it affected you, the question you will ask about their side, what you both want, possible solutions, and how you will close or pause. With a partner or at work, an "afterwards" block asks what you hope to agree, how you will reconnect or write it up, and when you will check in.
- Practise. Read your opening out loud, choose between pairs of lines to see which lands and why, and play a short scripted version against someone who pushes back. At work, tap off the logistics first: somewhere private, enough time, the facts in front of you, a follow-up date booked.
- Take your map with you. Your plan on one screen: open with, the one thing to say, if it goes badly, how to end. Swap any line by tap or write your own, then print or copy the four-line pocket version.
What you'll come away with
You come away with a conversation map for one real conversation: how you will open, the one thing you need to say, what to say if it goes badly (with a real twenty-minute break timer), and how to end, as four lines you can carry in your pocket. The lines come from the "What to say" page that fits the relationship or the work conversation you chose, or from the page you arrived from.
Step 1 of 10
The situation
Say what the conversation is about and who it is with. Being specific makes every later step easier, and the relationship decides which questions you get.
If you're afraid of how this person might react
If you feel unsafe with them, don't plan to have this conversation alone. Talk to someone you trust or a support service first, and put your safety ahead of the conversation.
If you're in immediate danger, call your local emergency number now. If you're not sure what it is, your phone's emergency dialler lists it.
Crisis Support Resources
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Emergency Services
Triple Zero (000)
For life-threatening emergencies
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