Deeper Dialogues

What do you need to say?

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What to say

Work

Telling your team something they won't want to hear

A decision has come down: a restructure, a cut, a project scrapped, a change nobody asked for. You may not agree with it and you may not have all the answers. Your team will remember how you told them long after they forget the details.

What they need from you, and why

Bad news about work lands hard because it touches more than the work. The Difficult Workplace Conversations module names the common reactions, shock, anger, fear, sadness and anxiety, and the question under most of them: what does this mean for me? David Rock's SCARF model lists the five social concerns a leader's words can threaten, and a restructure hits several at once: certainty about the future, status, and fairness. That's why a room can turn on a messenger who had no part in the decision.

What the team needs is honesty about what's known, respect in how it's said, and some say in what happens next. The module's CRISIS framework runs in that order: communicate early and transparently, recognise the emotional response before problem-solving, separate what can and can't be changed, support people practically, involve them in the response, and stay available afterwards. Choice matters because it's one of the basic needs that self-determination theory (Edward Deci and Richard Ryan) describes, alongside connection and competence. "Here's what we know, what we don't know, and what we're doing about both" appears in both the Leadership and Difficult Workplace Conversations modules for a reason.

The research on how much delivery matters is blunt. In the 2003 brain-imaging study by Naomi Eisenberger, Matthew Lieberman and Kipling Williams, even being left out of a trivial online ball game raised activity in a region involved in the distress of physical pain, though later work shows the overlap is only partial. A threat to someone's role is not trivial. As the module puts it, people remember feeling respected and supported through difficult times, and how you communicate in a crisis becomes part of your reputation as a leader.

Understand it properly

First

Tell them as soon as the information is confirmed, in person rather than by email, and sort out beforehand what you know, what you don't, and what has actually been decided.

You could say

  • I've got some news that affects the team, and I wanted you to hear it from me first.

    Early and direct; delaying bad news usually makes it worse, and hearing it second-hand adds a second injury.

  • Here's what we know, what we don't know, and what we're doing about both.

    Certainty is one of the five things people quietly check for when a leader speaks; honest uncertainty beats a confident guess.

  • The decision about the restructure has been made. What we can still shape is how we handle it.

    Separating what can't be changed from what can gives people somewhere to put their energy.

  • I know this is disappointing. It would be for me too.

    Acknowledging the reaction before any problem-solving; it's the module's own line, and it lands because it's true.

  • What questions are coming up for you right now?

    It makes room for the fear underneath, which is usually "what does this mean for me?".

  • I'll update you every Friday, even if the update is that nothing has changed.

    Bad news isn't a one-conversation event; a fixed rhythm of updates is itself a form of certainty.

If it goes badly

Three ways this can turn. Read the one that happens; the others can wait.

You've said something like

I've got some news that affects the team, and I wanted you to hear it from me first.

  • If they get angry and say it's unfair

    You might be right that it's unfair. I can't change the decision, and I can make sure your concerns go up the line.

    "This is unfair" is one of the common responses the module lists; acknowledging a valid concern costs nothing and defending the decision costs plenty.

  • If they go silent

    Take a moment with this. It's a lot to take in. I'll stay as long as you need, and we'll pick it up again tomorrow.

    Silence is people processing, not a cue to fill the gap; a promise of a next conversation lets them leave without having to perform a reaction.

  • If they ask what it means for them personally

    Here's what I can tell you today about your role, and here's when I'll know more.

    Fear wants a date more than it wants reassurance; even "I'll know by Thursday" is something to hold.

Share these words

Send them to yourself, or to someone helping you.

Try not to say

  • "The business has made the difficult decision to..."

    Corporate deflection puts distance between you and the news; say it plainly, in the first person.

  • Selling it as an opportunity in the same breath

    Rushing to the upside before the impact has been acknowledged tells people their reaction is a problem to manage.

  • Pretending to answers you don't have

    Share what you know and admit what you don't; a guess that turns out wrong costs more trust than "I'll find out".

  • Sending it by email on a Friday afternoon

    It leaves people stewing all weekend with nobody to ask; if it has to happen before a break, say when you'll follow up.

  • Promising it won't happen again

    You can't guarantee that; say what you're doing to improve the odds instead.

Afterwards

Hold the Friday update even when there's nothing new, and reach out to people rather than waiting for them to come to you. Give practical things early: what happens next, timelines, and where to get support, including an employee assistance programme if your organisation has one. If some people are leaving, the ones staying need attention too; the module warns about survivor guilt and heavier workloads. Keep asking what would help rather than assuming, and expect to have this conversation several times in different forms before it's finished.

Understand it properly

The words above come from these. A section is about ten minutes; the whole module is there when you have longer.

Where this comes from
  • Deeper Dialogues, Difficult Workplace Conversations: the CRISIS framework, common emotional responses to bad news, controllability language, types of bad news, timing before a weekend, why criticism can feel like pain (Eisenberger, Lieberman and Williams, 2003), self-determination theory (Deci and Ryan)
  • Deeper Dialogues, Leadership & Influence: certainty in SCARF (Rock, 2008), handling resistance, "I can't guarantee [outcome], but here's what we're doing", Friday updates
  • Deeper Dialogues, Nonviolent Communication: Aisling's redundancy conversations and the corporate deflection she avoided

We gather and pass on what researchers and support organisations have found. This isn't a replacement for a doctor, counsellor or support service.