Work

Your manager keeps adding to your plate

New projects keep arriving and nothing comes off. You're working weekends because you're afraid of seeming "not a team player", and your manager may have no idea.

What they need from you, and why

Your manager probably can't see the pile. They see each new request on its own, and they see you saying yes, so from where they sit it's working. Nothing comes off because nobody has asked them to choose.

What they need is the list and a decision to make: this or that, first or later. Handing them the trade-off keeps the call with them and leaves you doing the work they most want done. Setting a limit this way isn't being "not a team player"; it's what lets you keep saying yes to the things that matter.

The dread is real. David Rock's SCARF model (set out in 2008) helps explain why "I need to talk to my boss about my workload" can feel like a sabre-toothed tiger wants to eat you: it touches status and certainty. In Give and Take (2013), organisational psychologist Adam Grant found generous people at both the bottom and the top of success measures. The ones who struggled were "selfless" givers who helped at the expense of their own work and burned out; the ones who thrived were "otherish", caring about other people's interests while keeping an eye on their own. Saying yes to everything can also leave colleagues wondering whether you have boundaries, or much judgement about priorities.

The Leadership & Influence module adds that certainty and autonomy are two of the things a good manager's language protects: "What approach would work best given your other priorities?" and "I'll update you every Friday with any changes to priorities" are their lines, and you can prompt them.

Understand it properly

First

List everything on your plate and roughly what each needs, so the conversation is about priorities rather than complaints.

You could say

Can we find 20 minutes this week to go through my workload together?
A booked, calm conversation about priorities is a different thing from a complaint fired off at 6 pm.
Here's everything I'm working on at the moment, and roughly what each piece needs.
Your manager may have no idea what's on your plate; the list gives them the information they're missing.
If [the new project] comes first, which of these can move back?
It accepts the new work and makes the trade-off theirs to call, which is where it belongs.
I want to do this well, and I need to be realistic about what I can keep up.
It says you care about the work and sets a limit in the same breath, which is what keeps you useful for the long run.
I can see a risk to [the deadline] if we add this. Here's how we might handle it.
A risk with a suggested fix reads as judgement, not resistance.
Could we look at priorities together each Friday?
A regular slot takes the dread out of raising it, and keeps the list from silently growing again.

If it goes badly

Three ways this can turn. Read the one that happens; the others can wait.

You've said something like

Can we find 20 minutes this week to go through my workload together?

If they say everything is a priority
Understood. If they all land at once, which one would you least want to slip?
It accepts the pressure and still asks for the one decision only they can make.
If they say it's not the right time, everyone's stretched
I know the whole team is stretched. I'm raising it now so it doesn't turn into a missed deadline later.
Raising a problem while it's small is easier on everyone than letting it build.
If they suggest you just need to manage your time better
I'm open to that. Could we go through the list together so you can see where the time is going?
It takes the suggestion seriously and still puts the actual numbers in front of them.

Send them to yourself, or to someone helping you.

Try not to say

Saying yes to everything and working weekends
It leads to burnout, and it can leave people wondering about your judgement on priorities.
"I'm drowning and it's not fair."
Leading with blame gives them something to defend; a shared look at priorities gives them something to solve.
Waiting until you're burnt out
Raising a problem while it's small is easier on everyone than letting it build for months.

Afterwards

Write up what was agreed the same day, the order of priorities, what moved back and to when, and send it to your manager so you both have the same list. Then work to that order, and when something new arrives, reply with the same question: where does this sit against the list? Don't quietly absorb the next one and hope. If the Friday check-in slips, re-book it. If the list keeps growing with nothing coming off, that's a pattern worth naming plainly in the next check-in, with dates, and a sign the problem is bigger than one conversation.

Understand it properly

The words above come from these. A section is about ten minutes; the whole module is there when you have longer.

Where this comes from

Deeper Dialogues, Difficult Workplace Conversations: the manager who keeps adding projects, raising things early, the PREPARE framework
Deeper Dialogues, Building Workplace Relationships: "Generosity, With Limits" (Adam Grant, Give and Take), framing issues constructively
Deeper Dialogues, Leadership & Influence: certainty and autonomy in SCARF, prioritising together
Deeper Dialogues, Difficult Conversations: SCARF and the workload conversation

We gather and pass on what researchers and support organisations have found. This isn't a replacement for a doctor, counsellor or support service.

What they need from you, and why

You could say

If it goes badly

Share these words

Try not to say

Afterwards

Understand it properly