Work

Talking across cultural differences at work

A colleague, client or new team member comes from a different background and things keep getting lost: long silences, a "yes" that didn't mean yes, feedback that felt too blunt or too vague. You want to be respectful without tiptoeing.

What they need from you, and why

The colleague who went quiet may be giving your question proper thought. The "yes" may have meant "I'm listening". The feedback that felt brutal may have been meant as help, with the padding left off because padding feels dishonest where they learned to give it. None of them is being odd; they're running on communication rules learned so early that nobody can see them, and so are you.

What they need from you is to be asked rather than decoded: about their own experience, not their whole country, with your way offered as one option. And when you get it wrong, which you will, they need you to say so plainly. People are remarkably forgiving when you approach them with humility.

Edward T. Hall's distinction between high-context and low-context communication, introduced in Beyond Culture (1976), explains many of these misfires: in some settings much of the meaning sits in the setting, the pause and the tone, and in others the words carry it. Geert Hofstede's country scores are national averages, and he warned against using them to stereotype individuals, so the frameworks give you a first guess and only asking tells you who is in front of you. Melanie Tervalon and Jann Murray-García's idea of cultural humility (1998) treats your way as familiar rather than correct.

The module's story of Nkechi's logistics team is a reminder that sometimes it isn't culture at all. One colleague's lateness, which she'd put down to a different attitude to time, turned out to be the school bus timetable. She moved the meeting to 9.30.

Understand it properly

First

When someone pauses before answering, let the silence sit instead of filling it; count to ten if you need to.

You could say

That's different from how I'd usually do it. Can you tell me more about your approach?
It swaps judgement for learning, and a potential clash becomes a conversation.
How did meetings usually work in the places you've worked before?
It asks about their own experience, which is the only thing they can speak for, rather than asking them to explain a country.
What concerns do you have about this?
An open question gives someone a way to say no without the flat refusal that would cost them face.
Where I grew up, we'd usually do it this way. What's normal for you?
Offering your way as one option rather than the correct one leaves room for theirs.
I think I just got that wrong. Can you help me understand how you'd do it?
One honest admission builds more trust than a hundred perfect performances.
We've got a mix of styles in this room, so let's make that work for us.
Naming it out loud means no single style gets imposed by default.

If it goes badly

Three ways this can turn. Read the one that happens; the others can wait.

You've said something like

That's different from how I'd usually do it. Can you tell me more about your approach?

If they say yes and then nothing happens
I want to make sure I've got this right. What would get in the way of this working by Friday?
It gives them a face-saving way to raise the problem that a flat "no" would have cost them.
If they go quiet
Take your time. I'm happy to wait.
Silence is often thinking time, and filling it with nervous chatter takes away the answer that was coming.
If they seem offended by something you said
I think I've just put that badly. Can you tell me how it landed?
Owning the misstep quickly, before you know exactly what it was, is what keeps the trust intact.

Send them to yourself, or to someone helping you.

Try not to say

"Why can't you just be direct?"
It treats your style as the correct one; ask how things work in practice instead.
Asking someone to explain their whole country
Ask about their own experience; nobody is a spokesperson for a culture.
Taking a quick "yes" as agreement
In many high-context settings "yes" can mean "I'm listening", and a flat refusal would cost someone face.
Opening with "You're late"
Norms about time vary a lot; build in some buffer and focus on connecting when they arrive.
Treating fluency as a sign of intelligence
Working in a second or third language is an achievement in itself.

Afterwards

Run a quick inclusion check on your own: who spoke most, whose style the conversation defaulted to, who seemed uncomfortable. If you agreed a way of working, write it down in plain words and share it, because what felt clear in the room may not have been clear to everyone. Follow up one to one with anyone who went quiet, and ask what would help them contribute next time. Don't go back and re-explain your original point more slowly; ask instead. And treat every guess from a framework as a guess until the person confirms it.

Understand it properly

The words above come from these. A section is about ten minutes; the whole module is there when you have longer.

Where this comes from

Deeper Dialogues, Cross-Cultural Conversations: high- and low-context communication (Hall), Hofstede and the limits of national scores, cultural humility (Tervalon and Murray-García), "The Curiosity Bridge", "The Humility Recovery", common landmines, making mixed groups work, Nkechi's BRIDGE week

We gather and pass on what researchers and support organisations have found. This isn't a replacement for a doctor, counsellor or support service.

What they need from you, and why

You could say

If it goes badly

Share these words

Try not to say

Afterwards

Understand it properly