Deeper Dialogues

What do you need to say?

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What to say

Money

Money between you and your business partner

You're putting in sixty hours and they're doing thirty, or they want to draw more out while you want to reinvest. You've been deciding by awkward compromise for months, and the scoreboard in your head is getting louder.

What they need from you, and why

Money decisions in a partnership carry each partner's values, priorities, appetite for risk and picture of the future, which is why a disagreement about drawings feels so personal. The module tells the story of Nadia and Michael, three years into a marketing agency with a team of eight: she wanted to reinvest everything, he wanted larger distributions to pay off personal debts, and they'd spent months avoiding the conversation, deciding by awkward compromise and trading passive-aggressive comments in team meetings. Underneath sits what the module calls the unspoken scoreboard, tracking who works longer, who brings in more clients, who takes more holidays. The longer you avoid talking about it, the more you inflate your own score and discount theirs.

What your partner needs is the business frame. The module's RESOLVE framework runs: Recognise the tension early, Examine the values behind each position, Separate the business decision from its effect on the relationship, generate Options that meet both partners' real concerns, weigh them with business Logic, check them against the Values you share, and Execute with regular review points. Prevention matters as much: a written partnership or shareholders' agreement (what it's called and what the law requires it to cover depend on how your business is set up and where you are, so have a lawyer where you work draw it up), a monthly financial meeting with a standard agenda, agreed spending limits, and an annual contribution review away from the office.

The research is from negotiation. "Separate the people from the problem" is the first principle of Roger Fisher and William Ury's Getting to Yes (1981), and in Getting Disputes Resolved (1988) William Ury, Jeanne Brett and Stephen Goldberg argued that disputes settled by reconciling each side's interests generally cost less, counting damage to the relationship as well as money and time, than disputes settled by deciding who is right or who holds more power. The module's reading: when partners can discuss money as a business problem rather than a test of the relationship, they have a much better chance of finding something that works, and keeping emotion out of the numbers makes it easier to think straight.

Understand it properly

First

Book a proper time for it, away from the office and the team, and go in with the numbers rather than the grievance.

You could say

  • I've been feeling an imbalance lately, and I'd rather talk about it straight than let it leak into how we work.

    Naming it early is the R in the module's RESOLVE framework. Left alone, the scoreboard in your head inflates your score and discounts theirs.

  • Our roles have changed since we started. Can we look honestly at what each of us is putting in now, and whether the split still makes sense?

    It frames the problem as the partnership changing over time rather than a verdict on their character, which is the difference between a conversation and a fight.

  • What does financial security look like for you right now?

    The module's own question. A partner pushing for bigger drawings may be carrying a mortgage, a family situation or a fear you didn't know about, not greed.

  • We see distributions and reinvestment differently. Let's look at the cash flow together and find a structure that works for both of us.

    The business frame keeps you solving a problem together. "Don't you care about what we're building?" turns the same disagreement into a loyalty test.

  • What if we set growth targets? Hit them and we increase distributions; miss them and we reinvest more.

    Options that treat both needs as legitimate, tested against the numbers, beat an either/or that one of you has to lose.

  • Your caution has saved us from some expensive mistakes, and my push has helped us grow. How do we use both on purpose?

    Different appetites for risk are both useful to the business. Saying so out loud is what lets you build with them instead of fighting over them.

If it goes badly

Three ways this can turn. Read the one that happens; the others can wait.

You've said something like

I've been feeling an imbalance lately, and I'd rather talk about it straight than let it leak into how we work.

  • If they get defensive and start listing everything they do

    I'm not saying you don't work hard. I'm saying our roles have shifted, and I want the agreement to catch up. Can we write both lists down and look at them together?

    Moving from memory to paper takes the heat out. The module's annual review has you both assess time, revenue and operational load honestly and write down the outcome.

  • If they say they can't afford to take less, or to reinvest

    Then that's the constraint we design around. Could we do a temporary advance with a repayment plan, or change when distributions are paid without changing the total?

    Treating their personal pressure as a fact rather than an obstacle keeps you solving the problem. The module's options for a partner in a squeeze protect the business and the person.

  • If they go cold, or say it's fine when it clearly isn't

    I don't think it's fine, and I'd rather we sorted it than drifted. Can we put a monthly money meeting in the diary and start there?

    Avoiding money decisions is the first warning sign on the module's list. A fixed meeting with an agenda makes the conversation routine instead of a confrontation.

Share these words

Send them to yourself, or to someone helping you.

Try not to say

  • "I do all the work around here."

    Accusatory, and it invites a counter-list of everything you've missed rather than an honest look at what each of you contributes.

  • "You're being selfish wanting to take money out."

    It turns a business preference into a judgement of character, and they'll defend their character rather than discuss the numbers.

  • "You're too conservative. We'll never grow with that attitude."

    It dismisses a legitimate concern about security, which is usually what's underneath.

  • Passive-aggressive comments in team meetings

    The module lists them as a warning sign. The team hears it, and nothing gets resolved.

  • "Your personal problems aren't the business's responsibility."

    A harsh boundary that ignores the personal side of a partnership. You can protect the business and still be kind.

Afterwards

Write down what you agreed, even in an email to each other, and put the first review date in the diary before you leave the room. If you don't have a written partnership or shareholders' agreement, make getting one the next job; it costs far less now than untangling a dispute later. Start the monthly money meeting with a standard agenda, so both of you see the same numbers. Then look after the friendship separately. The Family Financial Conversations add-on's advice for relatives in business holds for friends too: a good business decision doesn't automatically protect the relationship, and each needs its own conversation, in its own room.

Understand it properly

The words above come from these. A section is about ten minutes; the whole module is there when you have longer.

Where this comes from
  • Deeper Dialogues, Business & Professional Money Relationships: Nadia and Michael, the unspoken scoreboard, the RESOLVE framework, the personal and business frames, partnership scenarios (growth versus distribution, unequal contribution, risk tolerance, personal emergency), preventative strategies, warning signs, Fisher and Ury (1981), Ury, Brett and Goldberg (1988)
  • Deeper Dialogues, Family Financial Conversations & Inheritance Planning: separate forums for family and business (Ernesto Poza), family healing time after a business decision

We gather and pass on what researchers and support organisations have found. This isn't a replacement for a doctor, counsellor or support service.