Weekly Challenges
One challenge a week, drawn from whatever you last read. Log how it actually went — including the weeks it doesn’t go well — and on Sunday you’ll get the pattern read back to you.
Share a Positive Memory
Connection
Bring up a positive shared memory with at least 3 people this week.
Why it works
'Remember when we...' brings back a history only you two share, and can remind you both why the relationship matters.
How
'I was thinking about when we...' Share the memory and the feeling.
How did it go?
The 3-Second Pause Challenge
After someone finishes speaking, count to three before you respond. Every. Single. Time.
Phone-Free Conversations
For every meaningful conversation this week, put your phone completely away. Not on the table: actually away.
The Listen-More Week
Aim to listen far more than you speak in your conversations this week.
Body Language Bootcamp
Consciously face people directly, uncross your arms, and lean in slightly during every conversation.
Minimal Encouragers Marathon
Use 'Mm-hmm', 'I see', 'Go on', 'Tell me more' instead of jumping in with your own stories.
Stop Planning Your Response
Catch yourself rehearsing your reply whilst someone's talking. When you notice it, return to listening.
Silence Is Golden
Let at least one silence linger in every conversation. Don't rush to fill the gap.
The Summarising Challenge
Every 5 minutes in a meaningful conversation, briefly summarise what you've heard.
Validate Before You Problem-Solve
When someone shares a problem, acknowledge their feelings before offering any solutions.
Match Their Energy
Consciously attune to the other person's energy level and match it.
Follow-Up Question Week
Ask at least one follow-up question to every answer you receive this week.
Ban the 'Why' Challenge
Replace every 'Why did you...?' with 'What led to that?' or 'How did that happen?'
Open-Ended Questions Only
Ask only questions that can't be answered with yes/no this week.
'Tell Me More' Marathon
Use the phrase 'Tell me more about that' at least 10 times this week.
Feelings Over Facts
Ask 'How did that feel?' or 'How are you feeling about that?' instead of just gathering facts.
The Scaling Question Experiment
Use a scaling question at least 3 times: 'On a scale of 1-10, how [X] are you feeling?'
No Advice Week
When someone shares a problem, ask supporting questions instead of giving advice.
The Miracle Question Challenge
Ask someone facing a challenge: 'If you woke up tomorrow and this was resolved, what would be different?'
'What Matters Most?' Week
Ask 'What matters most to you about this?' at least 5 times this week.
One Question at a Time
No double-barrelled questions. Ask one thing, wait for the full answer, then ask the next.
Name the Emotion
Gently name one emotion you're sensing in someone at least 5 times this week.
Ask Twice Challenge
When someone says 'I'm fine' but you sense otherwise, gently ask 'Are you sure?'
Your Emotional State Audit
Before each important conversation, take 60 seconds to check in with your own emotional state.
Sit With Tears
If someone cries this week, resist the urge to fix or comfort. Just stay present.
Look Beneath the Anger
When someone's angry, ask yourself: what vulnerability might they be protecting?
Normalise Emotions Week
Use the phrase 'That makes complete sense given...' at least 5 times this week.
Ban the 'At Least' Challenge
Catch yourself before saying 'At least...' to someone who's struggling. Just listen instead.
Share Your Emotions
Name one of your own emotions honestly in at least 3 conversations this week.
Emotional Bids Awareness
Notice and respond to 10 emotional bids this week: tiny requests for connection.
Get Curious About Emotions
Treat emotions as information to receive, not problems to solve, for one full week.
State Your Positive Intent
Begin one difficult conversation with 'I want to talk about this because I value our relationship.'
'I Feel' Not 'You Are'
Use only 'I feel...' statements in any difficult conversation, never 'You are...' or 'You always...'
Schedule, Don't Ambush
Ask 'When's a good time to discuss this?' instead of launching into it when you're ready.
Curiosity Over Fury
In conflict, ask 'Help me understand your perspective' and really mean it.
The Repair Attempt Challenge
When a conversation goes sideways, immediately try to repair: 'Can I try that again?'
The XYZ Formula Week
Use the formula 'When you did X in situation Y, I felt Z' in any difficult feedback.
Ban 'Always' and 'Never'
Catch yourself before saying 'You always...' or 'You never...' Replace with specific examples.
The 24-Hour Anger Rule
If you're furious, wait 24 hours before having the conversation.
Name the Elephant
If there's obvious tension, say it: 'I'm sensing some tension. Can we talk about what's happening?'
Future Focus Challenge
In conflict, ask 'How can we handle this differently next time?' not just rehash the past.
Create One Ritual
Establish one small, regular ritual with someone you care about (weekly coffee, Sunday call, etc.).
Follow Up on Small Details
Remember and ask about something small someone mentioned weeks ago.
10 Minutes of Full Presence
Give someone 10 minutes of completely undivided attention. No phone, no multitasking.
Amplify Good News
When someone shares good news, respond with enthusiastic interest: 'That's amazing! Tell me everything!'
Ask 'How Can I Support You?'
When someone's struggling, ask what they need instead of assuming.
Share a Positive Memory
Bring up a positive shared memory with at least 3 people this week.
Appreciate Out Loud
Tell 5 people something you really appreciate about them this week.
Ask for Help
Ask someone for a small favour or piece of advice this week.
Close Conversations Well
End every conversation with warmth: 'I'm really glad we talked' or 'This meant a lot.'
Vulnerability Challenge
Share something real and imperfect about your life with someone this week.
Show Up Challenge
Reach out to someone going through something hard. Don't worry about perfect words. Just be present.
The Full Conversation Toolkit
Intentionally use one skill from each category (listening, questions, emotions, repair, connection) this week.
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